Hi guys. It’s been a few months. I basically died and came back to life—and I say this in a spiritual way rather than in a physical way. I did not experience a car accident or meningitis, but I feel like a new person nonetheless due to a divinely timed sequence of events that I will disclose at some point. TBD. As I processed my new world I could not even think about writing a blog post (except this one) or posting a picture on Instagram. What am I even doing? I thought as I considered what I would take a picture of and questioned if I even remembered how to use my iPhone’s camera. How does one capture what I am feeling in a picture? (Curating pictures was never my strong suit, hence the use of professional photographers.) Everything felt odd and out of place, like a different soul took over my body. It turns out it wasn’t that a new soul took over my body it was that my soul woke up. Hello, Soul!
As my awakened soul and I contemplated the path pearls on a string had been on I began to question its validity and, as I mentioned here, whether it was an authentic representation of me. As I also mentioned in another post, there are many things I never discussed on the blog and this caused me significant angst, like boiling water underneath my skin. I started to wonder, well, why can’t I talk about this? I pondered what would come of pearls on a string and if my years of devoted time and effort on it were for nothing. (Answer: nothing is for nothing!) I just could not fathom where the blog fit in with my life and social media suddenly felt irreverent. I was unsure if all of you would accept my new path, one of richer discussion, personal growth, and authentic mothering.
I am guessing that many of you will stop reading this now. That is okay. Byyyeeeeee I have absolutely no room in my life for toxicity or negative energy. For those of you still reading, I hope you are excited for a new journey and new topics to talk about. When I re-started my blog in Alaska as a mother in 2014, I wanted desperately to write about the things that mattered to me. I wanted to write about the nitty gritty aspects of motherhood, my grief over my father’s death, my depression, and the overwhelming task of learning to live with a new identity from “ambitious healthcare provider at a prestigious hospital” to a “stay-at-home Alaskan mom.” I tried. I really did. I mentioned postpartum depression here and a quick thought on grief here but in hindsight it just felt like living six feet under the surface rather than scratching at the lava-filled core of the earth. I wanted to connect with a community on a deeper level but I was scared off by naysayers and then highly motivated to make money, as if only a financial return would prove my blog worthy of my time. The matters of my heart and mind tittered down and were replaced by clothing and sponsored content. My fulfillment took a nosedive and I began to really question my purpose on earth. I think this is what most people experience in their 20s; I am kind of a late bloomer. I had many heartaches to avoid and a brilliant life to cultivate, therefore exploring the depths of my soul was not high on my to-do list.
I woke up. I do not think it was any one thing that led to what I can only describe as a profound spiritual awakening, a shift in my world so impactful I feel as if I am meeting people for the first time. I shared my new self with a select few to mixed reviews but I am okay with that. I am growing into who I am intended to be while old relationships fall behind in the wake. This, perhaps, has been the hardest lesson for me to learn.
You will start to see some changes here as I feel comfortable reemerging into the internet world. I have a lot of stories to tell, especially about the most exhilarating project of my life that I have been frantically working on in hunkered down isolation:) But first, pearls on a string will soon be lesleighfrank.com with a new look and feel! Second, there will be more words and less pictures as I remember/realize what I am here to actually do. I am going against literally every class I took and article I read on growing one’s blog, so that is encouraging. I hope you’ll like it and I can’t wait to be with you all again soon!